Darth Vader’s Guide to Chair Exercises
The Imperial Force is not solely made up of stormtroopers who run around with their blasters, and Darth Vader understands this. Desk workers are also necessary for running a planet-sized Death Star. The Dark Lord of the Sith knows that these number-punchers are indispensable in snuffing out the filth of the Rebel Alliance.
Now, most of these desk employees know that sitting all day in front of their display monitor can be bad for their health. But what solutions do they have? Quit and be force-choked by Vader? Submit a proposal for an ergonomic, standing control board which can rack up the Imperial budget? Perhaps, they should explore the unknown regions of the galaxy and become feral creatures?
It’s bad enough that there are few feasible alternatives to sitting all day. Thankfully, Darth Vader knows that the lack of physical exercise can be a risk factor for mortality. After the Clone Wars, the Dark Lord has learned that dead employees can be expensive to replace. As such, he released a memo with a list of straight back chair exercises that anyone can practice whenever they’re not shooting at X-Fighters. Vader even recommends that his underlings submit these activities to their Traqq time tracking app.
Now, in a rare and unique opportunity, we’re sharing this classified information with you!
What’s great about these exercises is they’re perfect for any person sitting behind a desk all day. So, whether you’re piloting a dreadnought in the Outer Rim of the galaxy or you’re in office space in the urban jungle, you can easily follow them and get moving.
1. Toning Your Calf Muscles
While Darth Vader doesn’t have limbs (remember, from when Obi-Wan had the high ground?), he still stretches his bionic legs to keep the oil running. The same is true with your calf muscles. So, you need to give them a work out to ensure that the blood circulates properly. While seated, you can raise your legs to the tips of your toes. Hold the position for ten seconds, then lay the sole of your feet flat on the floor again. Repeat this exercise eight times.
2. Clenching Your Booty
Do you want buns as solid as Darth Vader’s suit? Well, it’s time to clench your buttocks! What’s great about this exercise is no one can tell you’re doing it. What you need to do is grasp your booty and hold that position for ten seconds. Do five sets of eight reps.
3. Rotating Your Ankles
Even when you’re sitting all day behind your desk, you should always be ready for a lightsaber duel. Darth Vader’s tip is to rotate your ankles in both directions for five seconds. Remember to perform five sets of eight reps for each direction.
4. Stretching Your Arms
Darth Vader is very particular about this one, especially since he does chair exercises for the arms while he’s floating in his bacta tank. If the Dark Lord can do this while he’s stuck in the tank, you too can do it while you’re seated at your desk. You can stretch your right arm’s muscle by reaching as far as you can to the left. Remember to use your left arm to support your right arm while performing this step. Also, don’t forget to keep your arms straight while getting the best stretch you can.
5. Waste Rotation
Not everyone can casually lift a Sith Lord over their head and throw them into an air shaft. That said, anyone who says that it’s all the force’s doing is gobshite! Darth Vader recommends regularly strengthening your core by rotating at your waist while you’re seated. To begin this exercise, sit with your legs parallel to the width of your shoulders. Avoid leaning back on the chair’s backrest. Once you’ve gotten into this position, hold onto your desk firmly, then rotate as far to the left as you can. You can also grab your straight back chair for additional support. To strengthen your core, Darth Vader recommends performing five sets of five seconds on both sides.
Now, to the painful part that will help you draw more upon the Dark Side! It’s time to do some chair exercises for your legs and core. Sit on the edge of your chair and place your feet firmly on the ground. Lean on your chair’s backrest, then lift your legs a couple of inches off the ground while raising your back a couple of inches off the backrest. Use the force as you feel the burning pain in your abdominal muscles. Hold that position for ten seconds. Do eight reps of ten seconds. Darth Vader recommends this for force-sensitive desk workers who want to rise higher in the ranks and become admirals one day.
7. Keep Moving!
Now, don’t be too proud of the new knowledge you’ve learned. Darth Vader says that the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force. The same is right with seated core exercises. Compared to these chair movements, standing up and moving around can make a more significant difference in lowering your health risk.
Your boss wouldn’t even have the chance to complain. Standing up and walking around doesn’t have to interfere with your work. There are ways to incorporate movement in your workday. These tasks are results-oriented that you can add them to your Traqq time reporting system. Here are some Galactic Empire-approved tips:
- Take phone calls while standing up – Darth Vader prefers receiving hologram transmissions while standing up. You should do the same instead of kicking your feet up on your desk during a conference call.
- Visit your colleagues – What is Matt, the radar technician, doing these days? Instead of throwing him an email, why not take a stroll down the hallway?
- Rearrange your desk – Don’t use the force on this one! Get moving and change the position of things from time to time. If possible, place the printer and trash bins in areas where you’d be compelled to stand up and walk.
Armed with these seated core exercises, you can now have a healthier body even when you’re behind your desk all day. Do believe that these can make a big difference in your life. If not, Darth Vader will find ‘new ways’ to properly motivate you!